Labels: David Harrison
By David Harrison
Sports Fan
Man, did you hear the news about the NFL collective bargaining agreement? That the NFL owners might stage a lockout in 2011? That would be, quite possibly, the worst thing that's ever happened to my professional sports world.
We've already been at this stage in life, when Major League Baseball had a strike in 1994. My world came crashing down when there was no World Series, and I remembered how angry I felt. I told myself I would never watch another MLB game again. I ended up going back on that promise, but I did boycott Spring Training in 1995 successfully.
But if the NFL decided to lockout, I know I would never watch pro football again. I would be too heartbroken, smashed by this game that I love so much. These people run an entertainment business, and they reap millions of dollars every year, but they're going to shut out the little guy so they can get some wording right on a contract? You'll be sorry NFL, when you have a work stoppage. You'll never get me back.
Sure, I'll have to find other things to do on my Sundays once the NFL returns -- maybe picnics with the wife and kids in the fall and maybe I'll go snowmobiling with my buddies in the winter. I might even go to church. I'll live without that rush of anticipation as I jump out of bed each morning, and I'll be just fine without StatTracker whirring and giving me up-to-the-instant updates on my fantasy team. That stuff is all poisonous to the mind, anyway. Maybe my wife is right.
It will be just like baseball, when all those fans vowed they would never come back. Look at baseball now -- completely dormant because of all those fans they put off more than a decade ago. The game will never recover.
Neither will the NFL. There will be no gathering of 20-somethings to share beers and Doritos on Monday nights. There will be no packed stadiums with crazy lunatics who began drinking at 8 a.m. There will be no merchandise empire or sports bars filled to the brim with crazy drunken fans. There may be no drinking, period. It's just going to be another game, on par with hockey or soccer. I'd venture a guess that maybe one-tenth of American males will know who's leading the division on a given Sunday in November.
Not only that, but they're going to get rid of the salary cap, which will totally ruin football just like baseball. Can you imagine if there was no competitive balance? Where teams like the Patriots and Cowboys succeeded every year, and teams like the Bills and Texans struggled year-in, year-out? That would be devastating to the game.
It's all very disgusting, and I feel my fandom is in jeopardy just by them opting out of the contract and even making this an issue. You're on parole, football. If you perform a lockout, you're going to be locked away forever.
Labels: David HarrisonBy David Harrison
Sports Fan
Like most sports fans, I was stunned yesterday when Annika Sorenstam announced her retirement from professional golf. At just 37, many say that she still had a few good years left in her.
There's no doubt she's had a tremendous impact on the world of sports. I'll never forget that one time she made a putt in that tournament back in 2001, or maybe 1999. I'm pretty sure it helped her win a tournament, or finish in the top 10.
And no doubt you've heard about those times she won a major tournament, beating out other similarly talented golfers for the title of whatever it was that she won.
I still remember the day, back in late 90s, when I was flipping around the channels on a weekend afternoon and I saw Sorenstam smiling and hoisting some sort of trophy above her head. I bet that victory made her feel really, really good about herself.
And who could forget her incredible, come-from-behind victory against Lisa or Dawn in a particularly important summer tournament? I clearly recall seeing that highlight on Sportscenter the next day.
Of course, I applaud Sorenstam for leaving on her own terms. It sounds like she still wins some tournaments, so I imagine she still can hit the ball. Of course, it is always better to go out while still playing well, rather than wait until your skills have declined precipitously. Smart move, Annika. You always were probably pretty smart.
So today, let's all toast Annika Sorenstam. Toast her for her incredible drive to repeatedly enter golf tournaments, show up, and often perform well. Toast her for her easy demeanor, since I don't recall any egregious off-the-course problems. Toast her for his signature shot, the one that she could do really well pretty consistently and helped her over the course of her career. Toast that swing, which I'm guessing was probably pretty nice, since I remember her winning some tournaments.
It's hard to win golf tournaments if you suck. And since Sorenstam won some tournaments, she definitely didn't suck.
Congratulations on a job well-done, Annika. Enjoy your retirement.
Labels: David HarrisonBy David Harrison
Sports Fan
Man, did you all watch that Tennessee-Stanford women's basketball championship last night? It was sooo awesome. I love watching basketball players cut backdoor and to sometimes make layups and also fall down a lot.
Nothing gets me more excited than a team winning the championship game with a blistering .393 field goal percentage. That just glues me to my fuckin' couch. Cancel my plans for tonight. Women's basketball is on, and I've got set-shots from 12 feet to watch.
Brick.
Really though. I'm being too harsh here. Because Candace Parker is probably the Leonardo Di Vinci or Sidney Crosby of women’s basketball. A star like her –- the Tiger Woods and the Barry Bonds of her sport -– can really bring the masses to this incredible, enthralling game. Did you know that she’s dunked the basketball before? You can even find footage online, I’m pretty sure. But unlike footage of Bigfoot, it’s actually real! And you know what, even her dunks are fundamentally sound! If John Wooden liked dunks, he'd like Candace Parker's.
At first, I admit I was skeptical about this women's basketball thing, and didn’t even watch the constant coverage on ESPN or ESPN.com. I didn’t pay attention to all the casual discussion, featuring the long-legged Stacey Dales and some other people. I kept my fandom focused on the men’s tournament. But that was before Stanford’s Angela Wiggins made a believer out of me.
Remember when Diana Taurasi played for UCONN? She was a dude, right? Her face was so aerodynamic.
You know what? I don’t even care that these women aren’t hot. That’s chauvinist thinking, anyway. These women are athletes and put as much blood, sweat and tears into their sport as anyone else. I can’t imagine why people don’t appreciate that. WOW, I just saw highlights of one women’s basketball player FLYING through the lane. Oh, wait ... nope, they switched to NBA highlights when I wasn’t looking. My bad.
Even still, women's basketball. Wow. I can't wait to see what these players do at the next level.
With the NCAA season over, I'll need something to give me my fix until the glorious sounds of missed free throws and torn ACLs return to gyms next fall. You can bet I'll be spending my time playing this:
All hail the splendor of women's basketball!
Labels: David HarrisonBy David Harrison
Sports Fan
I love sports as much as the next guy, but every once in a while (especially now, when there isn't much going on in the sports world), it's important to remember that there are other things going on elsewhere on the planet.
I mean, just how important is sports in the big picture, anyway? Things like politics, international conflict, the environment and economics are far more relevant to our day-to-day lives.
For example, yesterday it was revealed that Barack Obama raised $55 million for his ad campaign in February -- roughly $20 million more than Hillary Clinton in that timeframe. That is some chunk of change! It makes A-Rod's contract look not so bad after all. I think it's also going to leave us with some interesting questions -- I mean Hillary is gaining in the polls even though Barack is raising all these funds. It's like the Oakland Athletics -- how do they keep coming back and thriving when teams are spending and spending?
Wow, look at that, I started talking about sports! I guess I'm just so used to it -- but anyway, there are better analogies and more important things in the world. I mean, we're talking about the next President of the United States!
You think John McCain is going to have a head-start by taking the Republican nomination so early, while the Democrats are still battling it out? For me, it's hard to say. I don't think Cornell has a better chance to win in the NCAA Tournament just because they got the earliest bid, and this is pretty much the same thing. Except I suppose John McCain is better than Cornell. He's like Memphis or Tennessee.
Speaking of, Tennessee came so close to losing the other night. I was actually cheering for Florida (you know, the state that could decide the Democratic nominee) to crush that smug Bruce Pearl.
Whoops, there I go again. My bad. Did you see that Southwest Airlines was flying unsafe airplanes as recently as last March? I flew Southwest for business, and that really freaks me out a little bit. How do these people think they're going to get away with it? I think it's bananas that the Western Conference is so deep, that a team like the Blazers might not make the playoffs. Brandon Roy, that guy has been ROCKING, and it would suck if he didn't get to at least be this year's Golden State Warriors.
I'm sure you saw the coverage this morning of that bomb attack in Jerusalem, which is really awful. I was flipping back and forth between the Brett Favre press conference -- he was practically bawling his eyes out as he officially announced his retirement. I can't even envision the NFL without Brett Favre. Whatever though, I cheer for the Vikings, so this can only help matters.
It's terrible that Patrick Swayze has cancer or whatever. My wife loves Dirty Dancing. God, I can't wait until this spring training garbage is over and we start playing real baseball games. And the NCAA Tournament! LeBron James is a manchild of epic proportions. Tiger is going to be the face of golf for the next century. This is interesting: police just arrested a Russian arms overlord, but yes! That guy in my fantasy league passed on Russell Martin in the third round and he is MINE MINE MINE.
Football-tennis-soccer-lacrosse-nascar.
Labels: David HarrisonBy David Harrison
Avid Sports Fan
I tell you, nothing gets me more fired up than college football. I love the way that the players play for the sheer love of the game; I love the school spirit and the thousands of screaming students; I love the way snare drums rattle around the stadium on Saturdays. Everything about college football just gets me going.
To me, it's a far superior sport to the NFL. The NFL is polluted with corrupt management, angry coaches and players who misbehave more often than they score touchdowns. The purity is gone, and that's what I truly enjoy about the college game. You can color me a huge, huge fan.
I can also say that I am eagerly anticipating the BCS Championship Game, between Ohio State and LSU. I can't wait to see how the Buckeyes respond to having a long layoff, and I'm really excited to see how Les Miles plans to unleash his high-powered offense. If I was forced to choose who would win, boy, I don't even know if I could do it. Both teams play such quality football, and they're a joy to see as they take the field.
Hey, that reminds me, when is the national championship game?
I haven't heard much about it lately, and none of my friends seem to know what's going on with it, either. Now that it's coming up on February, I feel like the game should have already been played. They didn't already play it, did they? No way. A rabid sports guy like myself would never miss a barnburner like this.
Every day, I check the TV listings to see when the game is going to be televised, and I don't find anything. None of my frequently-visited websites seem to mention it, either. This is all very baffling.
If anyone can tell me when Ohio State and LSU are going to play in the National Championship game, please do. This is going to be something I don't want to miss.
I can't wait.
Labels: David HarrisonBy David Harrison
Former Major League Baseball Player
What the hell?
As I perused the Mitchell Report yesterday, I was excited to see what names would be included, which players would have their reputations tainted. Scanning through, there were some big names: Miguel Tejada, Roger Clemens, Andy Pettitte, David Justice.
However, there was no mention of me, David Harrison.
I find this nearly unfathomable. From 1997-1999, no player in Major League Baseball took more steroids than me. Due to the wonders of science, I went from a journeyman utility man with a .247 career average to a journeyman utility man who raised his career average to .253 before numerous knee injuries ended his career.
If anyone should the the poster boy for the Steroids Era, it should be me.
Yet try as I might, I can't get anyone to talk about my steroid use. People are laughing at these players for buying their drugs with checks that could be traced so easily. What about me? I bought my steroids with money orders I got from a Jewel supermarket that read "Money for Kirk Radomski, for steroids."
I would often ask Jeff Juden to inject the steroids directly into my ass. On the field. Near third base. During pre-game warm ups. About 15 minutes before the first pitch.
One time, I laced a single into right field off Kevin Tapani. When I got to first base, I told Mark Grace that was an "anabolic single, baby." I think the umpire heard me, too.
Why has no one named me in this goddamn investigation? I took steroids. I have a story to tell, just like everyone else. Would you like me to write a book about my experiences taking steroids? I don't even need a ghost writer. You hear me, Random House? Maybe I could give a motivational speech to high school athletes on the dangers of drug abuse? Anything. I will do anything.
Many people have even talked about how George Mitchell asked each of the players named to meet with him and discuss the allegations. They all declined. Well, I called George Mitchell. Multiple times. I told his secretary that I'd be more than willing to share my story. He never called back, and the last time I called, the person at the other end answered, "Godfather's Pizza, 43rd Street, how can I help you?" but you know, it sounded an awful lot like his secretary.
I ordered a medium Italian sausage anyway. I'm still waiting for my pizza.
And I'm still waiting to be named in this steroid report. Please help me make my voice heard. I am infamous. I am just as villainous as Barry Bonds. Give me a chance to tell my story.
Name me, George. I dare you.
