Friday, February 08, 2008

I support Kevin Hart's imaginary friends

By Dakota Brezinski
Seven-year-old

Poor Kevin Hart. I know how you feel.

I used to have friends like Kevin's special recruiting friend, Kevin Riley. Eric Thunderstorm and Mr. Invisible Andy used to play with me at recess all the time. We laughed a lot together, and went down the tornado slide! I love the tornado slide, but I didn't always like it when Eric Thunderstorm tried to go down with me at the same time. Eric Thunderstorm is a fatso.

There were many reasons why Eric Thunderstorm and Mr. Invisible Andy were such good friends. They never made fun of me, they always liked doing the same games as me, they always let me win when we played basketball, and they were fake. Fake friends aren't as weird as real friends, and they promise awesome things!

Mr. Invisible Andy once said he knew that my teacher, Mrs. Randolph, had a huuuuuge bucket of cotton candy behind her desk. I love cotton candy. I have always wanted to have some at school, and Mr. Invisible Andy said if I sat on top of the jungle gym and never came down until I got what I wanted, then Mrs. Randolph would give me the cotton candy. So I did. Mr. Invisible Andy always had great ideas, except for the one time he told me to pee all over the kindergarten bathroom floor.

I did not get cotton candy though. Mrs. Randolph got the principal, Mr. Bill, and he came and got me and called daddy. My dream of cotton candy at recess was shattered. And also, I don't think there even WAS any candy. I think Mr. Invisible Andy lied to me!

That was why I stopped being friends with him, and then Eric Thunderstorm, too (I never really liked him anyway, but I let him play with us, because he didn't have any other friends). I guess I started liking real friends better, like Tanner. Maybe I am a bad friend. I hope they aren't mad at me, but I never really see them anymore. I think they play on a different playground. Maybe they flunked first grade. They weren't very smart.

Kevin Hart is a better friend, I think. He never gave up on his friend Kevin Riley, who was fake. Instead of knowing where the cotton candy was, Kevin Riley knew how to get Kevin Hart to a special college. I think it's funny that they had the same first name. One of the nice things about invisible friends is that you get to name them. I don't think Kevin Hart used his imagination very much.

Everyone thinks Kevin Hart is a stupidhead for talking about these things his imaginary friend promised, but I don't think he's that stupid. He is a good friend.

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