Thursday, April 17, 2008

Chasing the Dolly Llama

DeJuan C3PO
Fly Scribe

I'm pretty sure when those British dudes cloned a mammal for the first time, its name was Dolly Llama. Cool shit, I'm not gonna lie. But dawg, it's not like that had any broader impact on anybody's lives. Ain't no great deep peace and understanding that came from Dolly Llama.

But dude, some of these folks take it all too seriously, cuz they keep talking about the Dolly Llama while chasing the Olympic Torch around the world, protesting and shit. Stupid teenagers. Get a job, hippies!

The Beijing Olympics are upon us this summer, which are not nearly as cool as the Winter Olympics, where there were lots of sexy Italian missies in various forms of undress and plenty of exquisite gateway drugs. Dawg, I'm pretty sure if they catch you with weed in China, you get your foot cut off.

I would be more excited if the summer Olympics had snowboarding. To express my displeasure, I decided to follow around the protesters, hitting up London, Paris and San Francisco. I love it when Marv is too damn pasted on whatever drug is in-season in his garden, that he ends up approving whatever expense account cash I ask for.

I had a really good time. I rapelled down the damn Golden Gate Bridge -- haven't had the pleasure of doing that in at least three years -- and I bedded the fine Victoria Arceneaux at the base of the Arc de Triomphe while traffic whirled around us in the stirring Place d'Etoiles in Paris.

And you thought DeJuan wasn't cultured. Served.

But turns out all these protesters want is some crazy Free Tibet shit. I don't know why Tibet deserves to be free -- I guess he didn't do what he was accused of -- but there sure are a lot of people who want him out. Like that dude Rage Against the Machine wanted out of prison.

But neither Mr. Tibet or the Dolly Llama really inspired me to keep at it. I mean, why hate on the torch? I love fire. Torches, in fact, were an integral part of my epic 1997 Circus of Fire tour, which was the coolest shit on Earth until a minor safety oversight led to the death of two Bengal tigers and seven angry clowns. Thank god the cotton candy machine remained intact.

I did enjoy some of the protester signs, though, including one that showed the Olympic rings as a bunch of handcuffs. Most folks saw that as a statement -- I saw it as inspiration for another magical night with my belle Victoria. Viva La France and shit.



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